In a dramatic statement made after hours¹ last night Apple announced a complete re-branding exercise under the new name “Kumquat”.

“The Apple brand has served us well and has made us the unbelievably big global giant we are today” says CEO Tim Cook.   However with Steve Jobs no longer around, the share price at over $600 and the Market cap approaching $600Bn this can’t go on forever.

“There is a limit to how many iPods, iPads and Macs our fans are willing to buy so to sustain the growth we need to give them something else.”

That something is the Kumquat. The Kumquat is everything that Apple was but as a more upmarket and exotic fruit we expect consumers to be willing to pay even more for their addiction. Existing sub brands (iPod, iPad etc) will remain unaffected though replacement stickers will be available online and at Apple Kumquat stores and greengrocers in your locality.

The announcement has been greeted with some surprise