Parking Mad - trefor.net

In a moment of bonding with Kid4 we decided to watch some TV together. Unfortunately there was absolutely nowt on the box. We settled on a programme called Parking Mad.

This has to be extreme desperation in TV programming. We wouldn’t have had the problem when there was only BBC1, BBC2 and ITV. In those days we settled for just having to watch repeats rather than total non-programmes. In fact I still like watching the same repeats these days – Dad’s Army for example.

There is an element of local interest in Parking Mad – some of it is filmed in Lincoln. There’s a bit where the mayor is seen cutting a ribbon around a ticket machine in a new car park. Rent a mayor. A mayor will turn up anywhere there is a bit of ribbon, scissors and a camera. It forms part of their balanced scorecard. KPIs. How many ribbons have been cut in any given month.

The role of mayor is very competitive. Each mayor is measured against his predecessors. How many schools visited, care homes etc. They put a premium on car parks – it’s not often you get a new one opening. Some years you don’t have a single new car park and I can tell you the mayor that year feels really hard done by.

I wouldn’t want you to get the wrong message about Lincoln. It is quite a good place to live really. There’s more to it than car parks though we do of course have our fair share. When we bought our first house it was on Greetwell Gate next to a free car park. As soon as we moved in it changed to a Pay and Display! Swines.

We used to park on the road in front of the house anyway. These was usually never a problem with this because after we had driven off to work other cars belonging to people working in town would arrive and take our spots. The same thing happened in reverse every evening so we always got the same spot right outside the house.

The one time of year we had a problem was during the Lincoln Christmas Market. All weekend visitors would cruise around looking for a free spot trying to avoid paying. Tight gits. We got to the point of arriving home from work on a Friday and just leaving the cars parked for the whole weekend. Christmas Market weekend is quite boozy anyway so a car is of no use.

We began to have guests coming to stay for the weekend to see the market. On these occasions on the Friday night we would park our own cars really inefficiently so that there wasn’t quite enough space between them to park another. It was fun watching motorists pull up along side the gap and curse the fact that we had parked badly thus depriving them of their spot. When our guests turned up I’d nip out and reverse my car just enough to make room for them to slot in. Saw ted.

Come to Lincoln. We have some nice parks and some good pubs and a mayor who likes to cut ribbons. There’s a lovely cathedral too. You should visit.